January 2011
Mount St. Helens on Acid.
“Do not go gentle into that good night / Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”
So, being a teenager and all I’ve been thinking a lot about myself. Not in a selfish way, just thinking about who I am and who I want to be, blah blah blah. But one of the things that really has helped me in my journey of self discovery is John Green’s Looking For Alaska. Yeah, I know...
I am unmotivated.
I want to do all of these things. Get good grades, get a boyfriend, get active, get happy, get interesting. And then what do I do? I sit on my ass. I sit and watch TV or I sit and listen to music or I sit and do what the man wants me to do.
I am taking all these classes, but am I learning? No, I’m regurgitating facts. I’d rather be doing something that doesn’t count toward...
I need to stop getting so emotionally attached.
Attached to dreams. I wake up in the morning (feeling like P. Diddy, hehehe) and I seriously can’t get out of my own mind. I have such vivid dreams and they last until when I wake up, and it takes me hours to get back into reality. First, I have to remember that I need to get up for school. And then through out the day I realize that different things that I thought happened yesterday...
I think about you all the time.
You are amazing. You are funny, shy, spontaneous, musical, smart, insightful, comfortable, friendly. You love old things and new things and special things. You love me. You eat and talk and laugh. We can walk together without saying a word. You know my thoughts and I know yours. When we kiss the sky explodes and the world melts away except for the background music. You are my best friend. You are...
Well then.
Why does everything have to be so confusing all the time? I wish I could take my life, cut it up into pieces, and put each piece in a little box. Then I would have all my boxes here, and I would only have to open one up and deal with it when I was ready to deal with it. And I would only have to deal with one thing at a time. It seems like everything is coming down on top of me at once—...